Words I Can't Say
by Chibi Rose Angel
Summary: He just wanted his father to love him again.
1. Heartbreak

_**Author's Notes**_: I know Christmas is in the air and normally this means we're all posting happy stories. I promise I will try to write something happier within the next two weeks (maybe even a late Christmas story). Without giving too much away, let's just say this piece is based on something personal that's been going on in my life. Since I'm a sucker for Robin angst, I figured I would transfer some of my own angst to him so I don't have to think about this anymore. So I'm being a bit mean to our favorite bird but the number one rule of fanfiction is to never take a plot bunny for granted. I had to learn that lesson the hard way. As you read, I purposely wrote this piece in a vague manner. There's a reason for that but you're not getting any answers out of me. Depending on the response/feedback I get for this piece, I might be willing to expand upon it. As usual, italics will denote character thoughts and italics with quotes represents flashbacks. If there are any mistakes please let me know and by the way, I'm still looking for a beta. If you want to work with me, please let me know okay? Last but not least, thanks for reading my story! I really appreciate hearing from you guys!

_**Disclaimer**_: Do I really own Young Justice? Seriously? Why would I be writing fanfiction for this wonderful series if I owned it. Enough said.

The tension was so thick in the Batcave, it could have been cut with a batarang. Neither person in the cave was willing to back down from their point of views, however, the silence was broken by Robin's low murmur, "You're not always right you know..."

His words were spoken so softly that had it been anyone other than Batman or Superman, they would have missed his statement.

Batman removed his cowl and took a slow, deep breath. _Getting angry won't help the situation. _

He was trying his hardest not to scowl at his son but the boy was really pushing his buttons tonight. Why couldn't he see that he was only trying to protect him?

Bolstered by a sudden boost in confidence, Robin took a step towards his mentor. "I'm supposed to be your partner but it's always do as I say, don't question my orders and stop second guessing me! Partners are supposed to be equals but you still treat me like I'm some sort of rookie. Even with Young Justice, you still don't think I can stand on my own."

His lips thinned into a grim frown. "That's enough Robin!"

Robin clenched his fists and all but snarled at his mentor. "No!"

Batman was momentarily shocked but he made sure to keep a neutral face. "I said that's..."

"And I said no! If you won't see me as an equal then why should I listen to you? A partnership is built on mutual trust and respect but I forgot. You're Batman and no one can be trusted. Not Superman, Commisioner Gordon, Alfred or me. You only respect yourself. Well what gives you the right to be so high and mighty? Who died and made you king? Oh silly me. I forgot! Gotham is your kingdom and will surely fall apart without its Dark Knight's protection. Well guess what Bruce? Gotham was doing just fine before you decided to be judge, jury and executioner. You're not always right! What is it going to take for you to see that? Do I really need to get killed..."

The sound of a slap echoed throughout the cave.

Robin slowly turned his face back towards Batman. With noticeable effort, he removed his mask to stare directly into Batman's face.

Hurt blue eyes met shocked brown eyes.

"Dick I'm..."

Before he could even finish apologizing, Dick ran past him up the stairs and back into the Manor. Bruce wanted to go after him but he knew he would only make things worse. He closed his eyes as one thought ran through his mind over and over again. _You've really done it this time._

_He was silent during the entire ordeal but now that they were safe inside the Batmobile, he couldn't keep quiet any longer. "You deliberately disobeyed my orders. I told you to sit this one out! Because of your interference, now it's going to take twice as long to catch the perpetrators."_

_Robin wouldn't look at Batman. He couldn't bring himself to see the look of disappointment or anger on his mentor's face. He chose to look out of the window while trying to block out everything Batman was saying._

_"You're getting reckless and sloppy. That stunt you pulled back there could have gotten you killed. This isn't fun and games Robin. You knew this when I first brought you into my world. You can't just pick and chose which missions to take on. I'm in charge and until you learn that, you're suspended from active duties."_

_That last sentence left him feeling cold. He could feel indignant fury filling his entire body. Turning towards Batman, he couldn't help shouting, "You can't do that! I saved your life tonight!"_

_Batman's next statement pushed him completely off the narrow ledge he stood on every day._

_"I didn't ask for your help nor did I need it."_

_Indignant fury mutated into bitter hatred within a matter of seconds. "You're selfish, inconsiderate and thoughtless! I asked you more than once why couldn't I help you with this case but you wouldn't give me an answer. If I hadn't been there tonight, you would have died. Instead of being grateful, you're punishing me for doing my job. Some mentor you turned out to be."_

_The sharp intake of breath from Batman was enough to shut him up in seconds. He knew he'd gone too far but he couldn't exactly take the words back. He could never erase this moment in time but a small part of him didn't want to. He wanted Bruce to see things through his eyes for a change._

_Needless to say, the rest of the ride to the cave was spent in silence._

Thinking back on tonight's near disaster left Bruce with a feeling close to hopelessness. He hadn't meant to hit him but he wouldn't listen to reason. His colleagues were already convinced that he was too hard on the boy. Sometimes even Alfred couldn't help commenting on how he should go easy on Dick. None of them understood. Going soft now would only hurt him in the long run.

He needed him to be strong at all times. No matter what the situation, he needed him to be capable and fully equipped to handle any obstacles without him always coming to the rescue. That's all he was trying to teach him. Eventually there would come a day when Robin would need to stand on his own two feet. He couldn't hide behind Batman's shadow forever.

_That's the problem. He's not hiding behind you. He's trying everything in his power to show you he can handle being on his own but you won't let him fly solo._

Deep down, he knew what was driving a wedge between them. He couldn't tell this to anyone but he was scared of losing his son. Dick might not have been his biological child but he was the closest thing he would ever get to having a son. And right now, he was nothing more than a bewildered parent trying to do right by his child.

Unfortunately, his child was entering the teeange years and was beginning to pull away from him. That was enough to drive any parent insane. After all of the sacrfices and hard work, he couldn't help wondering where had he gone wrong. He knew he had a busy schedule but he always tried to be there for Dick. Any time his son needed a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen, he was there.

Sure, Alfred patched him up and made things easier for both of them but the harder decisions always fell to him. He was the one who agonized over the decision to make Dick his partner. He was the one that sat by his son's bedside whenever he was sick with the flu or a cold. He was the one that told himself every day, he was right for turning Dick into a crimefighter. Never mind, the days spent alone wondering how could Dick keep trusting him and loving him after all of the bad decisions he made during their time together.

As he began his transformation back into Bruce Wayne down in the cave, he could only come up with one reasonable explanation for his feelings. _I'm a horrible father that doesn't deserve Dick for a son._

That single thought was enough to bring tears to his eyes. "I'm sorry Dick. I'm so sorry."

* * *

><p>As soon as he got to his room, he locked the door and let his eyes travel across the room. He knew he could never get back at Bruce for his careless words or actions so he did the next best thing. He proceeded to destroy his room.<p>

First, he tipped over his bookshelf then he grabbed his lamp and threw it against the wall. He couldn't help the small smile that came to his face when he heard it smash into little pieces. Next, the alarm clock went sailing through the room and met the same fate as his lamp. He shoved his television off its stand then he moved on to his closet. He flung open the doors and went straight for his suits. Jackets, shirts and pants were all ripped and torn to pieces.

Twenty minutes later, he felt himself breathing heavily as he did a quick survey of his room. Almost everything was broken or damaged in some way but he didn't care. He just felt numb and alone.

Careful not to step on any broken pieces of furniture, he walked over to his bed and closed his eyes. Before he had the time to stop himself, he was curling up into a ball, crying his eyes out.

_Did he ever care about me? When did he stop loving me? What can I do to show him that I'm still his son?_

A small irritating voice bubbled up within him. "Since you decided you didn't need him any more. Remember? You ran off with Speedy and Kid Flash behind his back. Because of you, he created Young Justice. Let's also not forget, you made the Team more important than him. No wonder he quit loving you. You're the one that's really selfish and ungrateful!"

He shook his head side to side trying to dispel the hurtful words. It wasn't true. He never stopped loving Bruce and he didn't replace him with the Team. He just wanted a chance to spread his wings without Bruce breathing down his back all the time.

The annoying little voice was back. "You keep telling yourself that Boy Blunder. Face it. He's the one person that's loved you unconditionally and this is how you repay them. Some son you turned out to be. You never wanted that did you? Every chance you had, you made sure to tell him he would never be your father. He's probably better off without you anyway."

His cries became desperate sobs as his heart began to hurt. The pain was just too much for him to bear alone. _I just want him to love me. What did I do for him to give up on me? I did everything he asked me to. I was always good. I brought home good grades, I never let the others know my secret identity. I became a part of his world hoping he would accept me but maybe I was wrong. Maybe I was never meant to be his son in the first place._

His throat burned and his eyes hurt. He knew he was well on his way to making himself sick if he didn't stop crying. As much as he wanted to stop, he couldn't. After six years of emotional abuse, his tears felt like the ultimate release.

In the back of his mind, that stubborn little voice murmured, "How many times do you want me to say it? Bruce doesn't want you. He never wanted you. He just took you in because he knew it would look good. The city would be impressed that an idiot like him would even bother with a charity case like you. Ever wonder why Alfred always handled you in the beginning? Even now, Bruce can't relate to you. He shows no interest in you other than when you're Robin. You are a failure as a son. If your parents were here now they'd be so disappointed in you."

With tears still in his eyes, Dick knew what he needed to do.


	2. Regret

_**Author's Notes**_: So it took me a little longer to write this chapter. Bruce gives me a headache because he's such a difficult character. I love him to pieces but it's hard to balance him between being moody and fatherly. I suppose that's part of the reason why I tend to write human, paternal Bruce better. Alfred is a little easier to me because you can't write Alfred wrong. As long as he's all knowing and awesome then you've done your job with Alfred. There were three songs that helped me write this chapter. The first two come from a very wonderful anime series called Saiyuki. If any of you have watched that series, feel free to message me or email me! I'm always eager to meet another anime fan. I suggest you go to youtube and type in Saiyuki For Real piano version or Saiyuki Still Time piano version. For the final song, it's a Chinese ballad called Ba Ai Fang Kai. When you go to youtube, type in ba ai fang kai lyrics and it'll pull up the song with the english lyrics listed. Trust me, it's a beautiful song. Listening to either one of these songs will definitely help you experience the feelings/emotions in this chapter. As usual, italics will denote character thoughts and if there are any mistakes please let me know. By the way, I'm still looking for a beta. Happy reading and I'll let you in on a little secret. There's going to be one more chapter for this piece. It might take me a while to get that last chapter out but thank you for being so patient with me.

_**Disclaimer**_: I will never understand why we have to put these up. I mean we all know we don't own this series so why do we need disclaimers?

Alfred Pennyworth had seen and done many things in his lifetime. Working in an acting troupe, serving in the British military and even coming to work for Bruce Wayne would never have prepared him for something like this. At first, he tried his hardest to ignore the rift forming between his two masters. Even though he wanted to deny it, he knew something was seriously wrong. The days without speaking to one another, unspoken tension in the house and terse interactions was just the beginning.

When he saw his youngest charge spending more and more time at Wally's or even Roy's home, he tried to talk to Bruce but it was to no avail. He had merely brushed him off and said Dick was going through a rebellious phrase. He could do nothing but watch as Dick began to pull further and further from Bruce. The boy wouldn't hesitate to back talk and he was beginning to disobey the rules Bruce had put in place for him. Perhaps the truly shocking thing about this whole ordeal was when the phone calls and letters from school started pouring in all implying that Dick wasn't focused in school. In his opinion, that was what truly started this whole fiasco.

He didn't want to intrude on Richard but he wouldn't open his door or respond to him. Once he opened the door, his heart broke for both of his charges when he saw the young master's room. _My word... It looks like a hurricane came through here._

Just as he was about to leave to go and gather up his cleaning supplies, something on the bed caught his attention. Stepping closer, he saw a sheet of paper sitting on one of the pillows. He picked it up and debated with himself for a moment on rather or not to open it, but at the last minute he thought better of it. _Master Bruce should be the first one to see this._ He carefully folded the paper up and placed it into his jacket's pocket then he quickly left the room.

* * *

><p>From the moment he adopted him, he knew this day was coming. It was only a matter of time before he outgrew his need for him. He just didn't expect the moment to come so soon. For the life of him, he couldn't figure out where he had gone wrong. He gave Dick absolutely everything: time, money, the latest and newest gadgets. Even Young Justice had been created just for him. It was a well known fact among the Justice League that Batman couldn't say no to his little bird. So why had his son turned against him so suddenly? That was the one question that just wouldn't leave him alone.<p>

He had already lost his parents and now he was losing his son as well. But what right did he have to claim him as his son? _That's right. When did you ever care about him? Remember the early days? The times where you pushed him away because you were afraid to get hurt? You let Alfred do most of the dirty work and only helped out when necessary. You always made it a point to tell him that you weren't his real father and you never would be. You would always be a mentor to him and nothing more._

Squeezing his eyes shut, he ran a hand through his hair as if that would dispel the harsh truth nestled in his mind. He had no one to blame but himself. By being too overprotective of Dick, he had successfully pushed him away. He should have given him some space and allowed him to learn from his mistakes. Instead he expected blind obedience from his son. _Do I even have the right to call him my son? After all, no father strikes their child out of anger._

Before his thoughts could take a darker turn, he heard someone knocking on the door of his study. He quickly went to the door and opened it fully expecting it to be Dick but he was disappointed when it was only Alfred. Resisting the urge to sigh, he went back to his desk and sat down.

"Master Bruce I have something for you." Alfred walked to the desk while removing the slip of paper from his pocket. He placed the letter on the desk and waited. He watched with baited breath as Bruce slowly reached out and picked up the note. The minutes dragged on slowly as he watched his master's facial features morph from indifference to heartbreak. Without saying a word, Bruce handed him the paper. He couldn't help noticing the slight tremble to Bruce's hand or the unshed tears in his eyes.

_**Dear Bruce,**_

_**Has it really been six years since you took me in and tried to make me whole again? I tried... God knows I really tried to make you happy. Nobody will ever really know what we've been through but I haven't been very fair to you. You could have easily let me rot in an orphange or some juveline detention center but you didn't. You took me in, gave me a home and taught me to live again. For that, I'll always be grateful but I couldn't take it anymore.**_

_**I can't live in your shadow and grow up to be an exact duplicate of you. As much as I pretended to be your son, it was never meant to be. You never wanted me and I never wanted you. Life just decided to throw us together. After all, I was just your charity case. Something to make you look good in the eyes of the public. I know you're probably thinking it's not true. Right now, you're probably reading this and telling yourself that you love me but now I understand.**_

_**It was all a lie wasn't it? You only loved me when I was Robin. That's why you never bothered to show up to any of my Mathlete's competitions, science fairs or anything else dealing with my normal life. I could never get more than a pat on the shoulder from you. Would it have killed you to hug me just once? I'm not talking about when the nightmares came or when there was a particularly close call during a mission. I craved those moments when you could actually smile at me or even laugh at one of my jokes.**_

_**I know this probably means nothing to you but I never wanted to be one of those latch key kids. At Gotham Academy, there are plenty of kids like that. They're the ones who end up turning to drugs or alcohol to make the pain go away but now I can see why it would be so easy to go down that road. It's hard going to a place where you don't feel welcomed or loved. Alfred tried... Believe me I know he tried so hard to do what you couldn't do but it just wasn't the same.**_

_**At first, I was happy whenever I was able to get your approval. As the years went by, I started to doubt your love for me. There were times where I was tempted to ask you why couldn't you love me... Was our time together ever real? Did you ever really care about me? Was I really just another puzzle piece in your grand scheme? Of course, there were a few moments where I was absolutely certain that I meant more to you than you were willing to let on but that was just me being a stupid, naive child.**_

_**Maybe it would have been better if I died that day with my parents. At least that way, I wouldn't be hurting right now. Six years Bruce... Six years of wondering whether or not you cared. You never said I love you or even gave me any indication that you were proud of me. There was no room for Dick Grayson because you could only see Robin. But it's okay now because I'm finally doing something right.**_

_**I'm sorry for being such a burden to you Bruce.**_

_**Love always,**_

_**Dick Grayson**_

_**P.S. For what it's worth, I did look up to you as my father. I'm sorry I wasn't the son you wanted or needed.**_

"Alfred, what have I done?" He whispered brokenly.

Just as he was about to reach out and place a comforting hand on his master's shoulder, Bruce was out of his chair and looking out of the window in his study. "My son is out there somewhere alone and scared because he thinks I don't love him. What kind of father am I? I let him think I only cared about Robin... I never even tried to see things from his point of view."

Alfred didn't miss the change in Bruce's voice or his struggle to keep his composure. He knew his oldest charge was close to losing it at any moment. Without hesitating, he grabbed Bruce by the shoulder and spun him around to look directly into his eyes. "Forgive me Master Bruce." He drew back his left hand and slapped him.

Bruce could only stare at Alfred in shock. In all the years he had known Alfed, he never once raised a hand to him. His shock quickly turned into guilt upon hearing Alfred's kind voice become hard and angry.

"Now you listen and you listen to me very closely Master Bruce. I know that you love Master Richard and would do anything for him. This is not the time for you to be feeling sorry for yourself! Right now, you have a son that is utterly terrified of being abandoned by you. He truly believes that you don't have room in your heart for him. Imagine how frightening that must be for him? To think that the only place he's ever known since his parents death is no longer a safe haven? Do you really think now is the best time for you to wallow in self pity and regrets? He doesn't need Batman. At the moment, he wants his father's love and reassurance. Can you do that? Can you be the father he needs you to be? Or do you really want to take the chance of losing him forever?"

In his mind's eye, Bruce could clearly see nine year old Dick running towards him with the biggest smile on his face. Never being able to see that smile or hear his infamous laugh ringing throughout the manor again wasn't an option. A steely determination began to spread throughout his body. He was going to do whatever it took to bring his boy back home.

_I'm not going to lose you Dick._


	3. Lonely

_**Author's Notes**_: First of all, did anyone besides me think Performance and Auld Acquaintance were totally awesome episodes? I really liked Cold Hearted as well. So that means my favorite episodes thus far have been Failsafe, Cold Hearted, Performance and Auld Acquaintance. I have yet to delve into any other character besides Dick, Bruce or Alfred but it's not because I don't like the rest of the Young Justice cast. I'm actually afraid I won't do the rest of the cast justice. I really wanted to do a Wally centric piece and a Dick/Wally centric piece but I'm scared both stories will fall flat on their faces. What do you guys think? Should I just take the plunge and branch out? Or do you guys think I just need to stick with Daddy Bats and adorable Robin stories? I really want to do a piece for Performance and Auld Acquaintance as well but everyone else has written such lovely stories. Do you guys think I should still post those stories? And before any of you guys yell and/or threaten me, I am terribly sorry for taking three months to upload this chapter. I've had a lot going on during the last few months. Also, I don't think this chapter is very good. Bruce still gives me a headache and I don't think I did him justice but I tried to keep him in character to the best of my abilities. This chapter was also hard to write because it was a royal pain trying to elaborate on the major problem of this story without giving everything away all at once. I tried to keep that vague implied feeling like in the last two chapters but I don't think I did that too well either. To bring out the full emotions behind this chapter, listen to the song Closer to You by Adelitas Way. That song sums up this chapter perfectly! By the way, this was supposed to be the last chapter but apparently my muse has other plans. This story has completely come to life when it was originally supposed to be a one shot. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? By the way, I have found a beta and I know I owe a lot of you some reviews! You know who you are! Thanks for reading.

_**Disclaimer**_: No matter how many times I wish and hope to own Young Justice, it's not going to happen.

_Failure... You're a failure Dick Grayson. _That's the one thought that kept playing over and over in his head.

_No wonder Bruce didn't love or want me anymore. _I never did anything right. Out in the field, I jumped the gun way too many times to count and I constantly took him for granted. Would it have killed me to say I love you without being embarassed about saying those three little words to him? Was it really too hard for me to hug him after he came home from work? How could I have let things deteriorate so badly that we couldn't even have a civil conversation with one another anymore? I ignored him and brushed off all of his attempts to bond with me. I pushed him out of my life first.

At first, I tried to make up excuses for him. Like on the days where he would miss my Mathlete competitions. I told myself repeatedly that he was going to surprise me by being in the stands this time. Or maybe he would at least show up during the second half of the competition. I know he was busy. Between the Justice League, protecting Gotham City, running an international multibillion company and trying to be a good parent to me, he never had any time. I don't know how many times Alfred had to remind me of Bruce's responsibilities.

In the beginning, I tried to forgive and forget. I know it's hard for Bruce but it's even worse when you're the son of Batman. Sometimes I felt as though he treated me more like a pet than anything else. Was he trying to show me off to the world? Was he trying to say, 'Hey look everyone! I'm responsible because I have a kid at home now!'

If anything, that didn't make things better for him. His life took a turn for the worse when I came along. He stopped going out on dates unless it dealt specifically with Wayne Enterprises and he tried to ease up on his Brucie act but both of those acts backfired. The tabloids spread all sorts of nasty rumors ranging from Bruce using me as a boy toy to Bruce using me as a scapegoat to make himself look wonderful in the eyes of Gotham City.

Gotham City was already in love with Bruce but everyone was either too stupid or too blind to admit it. He's the only man that can walk around Gotham safe in the knowledge that he's literally untouchable. Considering the fact that he practically owns Gotham, who would be stupid enough to try and take on Bruce anyway? He's got the GCPD in his back pocket; the mayor is a close friend, almost every company in Gotham belongs to Wayne Enterprises and his top advisors have been involved with his company for a really long time.

Pulling his jacket a little closer to him, Dick decided to keep walking. _I probably shouldn't have done this to Alfred but it's not enough. Alfred shouldn't be doing Bruce's job._

He could feel the tears coming again but he blinked a few times to clear his vision. He couldn't afford to stop and start crying again. If he did, he knew he wouldn't have the strength to get back up and keep going.

Taking a deep breath, he straightened up considerably and kept walking towards his destination.

* * *

><p>He saw the warning signs but did nothing about them. Even when Alfred tried to subtly help, he rebuffed his attempts. He had finally done it. He'd hurt the two people that meant more to him than anything else in the world. To him, they both deserved someone better. Someone that wouldn't push them away or ignore them constantly. His son's heart was broken and his father figure was disappointed.<p>

Guilt swirled through his heart as he looked into Alfred's eyes. This man had taken it upon himself to raise him. This was the person that saw him through some of his darkest days and yet he couldn't even be bothered to say thank you. On some level, he knew Alfred could tell how much he loved him but actions could only take him so far. It was time he started showing them how much he cared for them.

He couldn't keep the people who loved him the most at an arm's distance any longer. If he ever expected to heal fully, he would have to let them into his heart.

But for someone like Bruce, it felt like a death sentence. That horrible day where he lost everything... It felt like his heart had died too. He closed off his heart to everyone and made no attempt to walk down a different path. Nothing else mattered except for the mission.

He knew he would be taking over Wayne Enterprises someday but even that had been preordained. He never made a decision on his own until he decided to become the Batman. That simple decision had a ripple effect on the lives of so many people.

Alfred and Leslie could no longer reach him because only the mission mattered. No one in his social circle or business circle wanted to get close to him because they thought he was a lazy fool. Politicians and various other influential figures of the world hated dealing with Gotham because they knew they would be dealing with Bruce Wayne. To them, he was practically born into the lap of luxury and didn't know how to appreciate anything in life. For a long time, there was a certain amount of truth in their words.

There had been no one worth living for until Dick Grayson came along.

That's when he first realized the changes taking place. He was able to smile a little bit easier and he could talk to someone else without having to hold everything inside. Just as he was learning to trust again, things quickly fell apart.

The closeness between the two of them lulled him into a false sense of security. He couldn't be close to anyone because they would only end up leaving him. He couldn't take that risk again so he began to distance himself from his son. He made it a point to tell Dick that he would never be his father and he would never replace him. Gradually, his focus shifted from Dick Grayson to Robin. As much as he was loathe to admit it, it was true. It was much easier to relate to Robin.

Robin followed orders without questioning his every decision. His partner trusted him implicitly which is why he chose to ignore the rift that had grown between them. He should have known better to ignore his feelings but there was no turning back. He drove Dick to this all because he was afraid of losing him. Instead of trying to meet him in the middle, he chose to focus on just one aspect of his child's life.

In hindsight, rejecting Dick Grayson and only accepting Robin was the worst decision he could have ever made.

"Alfred, is it too late to fix this? Is there any way I can make him see that I do care?"

Alfred placed a hand on Bruce's shoulder and squeezed softly. "Only you can answer those questions Master Bruce. I do have faith in your abilities but I can not make Master Dick believe in you nor can I force him to return."

He had to force himself not to sigh as he looked away from Alfred. Right as he began to leave his study, Alfred's next words stopped him dead in his tracks. "Please bring him back home Master Bruce."

He nodded before leaving his study. Deep down in his heart, he knew he wouldn't be coming back until he found his son.

* * *

><p><em>Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to run away from home. At least not tonight anyway.<em>

When he left the Manor, it was already cold and now it was raining heavily. Knowing his luck, he would probably catch cold from being out in this weather but he couldn't bring himself to care. "After all, it's not like Bruce is worried about me. He's probably glad I'm gone." He muttered under his breath.

Even though his jacket was zipped up with the hood over his head, it was doing absolutely nothing to keep him dry. Even putting his hands in his pockets hadn't helped. He didn't realize it but his appearance was actually helping him to blend in. No one would think twice about a scrawny teenager being out in this kind of weather. Especially a teeanger that was currently standing in Crime Alley.

He quickly scanned his surroundings before walking towards the exact spot where Thomas and Martha Wayne had been murdered. Kneeling down, he placed one hand on the ground and took a deep breath. "Hi. This is going to sound really weird but Bruce has never let me come here by myself. I just thought I should pay my respects."

He looked up once more to make sure no one was nearby before he began speaking again. "Your son took me in when I had nothing left. I've only known him for six years but those were the best and worst years of my life. He helped me regain my confidence and he gave me a reason to live again. I know he misses both of you but I've tried my best to help him. It's just..." He looked down, closing his eyes momentarily.

He knew he was crying but since it was raining, he made no move to wipe them away. Right now, he really hated how small and insecure his voice sounded. "I just want to know what it is about me that he hates so much? How come he can't accept and love me? I tried to do everything he asked me but it was never good enough. He just kept asking for more... More time, more energy, more dedication... I gave and gave until I couldn't..."

His anger and frustration stemming from this entire ordeal was starting to bubble up within him again.

"I watched him push away Alfred, Clark, Leslie, Commissioner Gordon and anyone else that he could have called a friend. I just don't know what else I can do for him. It's going to sound stupid but I don't mind helping him share the burden of being an orphan. If anyone knows how he feels then it's me. At first, everyone pities you then they try to sympathize with you. It's always something like 'I lost my uncle or my sister so I know what you're going through'. I know it's supposed to be comforting but it's not the same thing. They think they're doing a favor but all they're doing is making it worse."

Just as quickly, his negative feelings were replaced with an abrupt overwhelming sadness. "I'm just tired. Tired of trying to be the perfect son for him. If I've done everything he asked and it's still not good enough, then what's left for me? I really..." He trailed off suddenly before finding the courage to speak again, his voice taking on a pleading tone. "I just want him to accept me for who I am. I talk too much, my jokes are cheesy and I irritate him about silly things but I... I just can't change myself. No matter how much I want his approval and acceptance, I can never be him. That's not wrong is it?"

In the back of his mind, he knew he needed to get out of this weather. He could feel his body getting heavier by the moment and his eyes kept closing. With what little strength he had left, he slowly climbed to his feet and sat down against the nearest wall.

_I'm sorry Dad._


	4. Afraid

_**Disclaimer**_: If I was in charge of the Young Justice series, Catwoman would have appeared already, there would be lots of Dick/Barbara and Batman/Catwoman would be the established adult couple on the show. Since I'm not in charge of YJ, I'll just settle for being biased. Author's note will be at the bottom of this chapter.

_As much as I hate to do this, it's necessary._ Bruce took a deep breath and dialed a familiar number. He hit the speaker phone button as he navigated through the dark streets of his city. On the fourth ring, someone finally answered.

"Bruce? Is everything alright?" His voice was filled with concern.

A few moments of silence passed before Bruce finally worked up the nerve to give him an answer. "It's Dick."

That one sentence was all it took for his friend to start in on him. "Please don't tell me you did anything stupid. I know you two haven't been on the best of terms but whatever you've done this time..."

Bruce quickly bit back an angry retort and chose to interrupt his friend's rant. "I didn't call you for a lecture Clark. I need your help."

When silence greeted him again, he couldn't help the small smirk that came to his face. _That shut you up quickly. _

"I'm well aware of the mess I've made but he's run away from the Manor and..."

"He WHAT? Seriously Bruce, what on earth did you do or say to him? Did you bench him again? And did you just admit to needing my help?"

Gripping the steering wheel more tightly than he needed to, Bruce rolled his eyes. _He's your friend. He's your friend. He's only trying to help._

"For the record, I'm going to pretend I didn't hear those last two sentences. How fast can you get to Gotham?"

Clark was a lot of things but he was far from stupid. He knew his words were bothering Bruce but no one could blame Clark for his actions. He was well aware of the problems going on between Dick and Bruce.

"Pretend all you want but it doesn't change things. I want the full story and don't think for a second, I won't call Alfred for details."

"If you're going to argue with me instead of helping me then I don't need you." Bruce growled into empty air. Right now he really wished Clark was sitting next to him so he could punch him. Most likely, he would end up with a broken hand but it would be worth the pain and discomfort. He just wanted to make him stop being such a smug idiot.

_As if you can talk. They shouldn't call you Batman or The World's Greatest Detective. You're the King of Idiots. Seriously no one is more blind than you when it comes to feelings._

A soft sigh reached his ears as that annoying little inner voice (he absolutely refused to admit he had a conscience) continued to assault him.

"Look Bruce. I know the last thing you need is a lecture because I'm assuming you've already been given one by Alfred. And I'm not trying to start an argument. I guess I'm just a little shocked that you would turn to me for help. I thought for sure you would have called Commissioner Gordon since he's closer to you."

Bruce didn't miss the slight change in Clark's voice or the fact that Clark didn't think Bruce would ask him for help. He really needed to get better with communicating and showing his feelings to other people.

"I'm only going to say this once Clark. I called you because you're the best chance I have at finding my son. Logically speaking, it would have made sense to call Gordon but it would be too late. Our window of opprortunity would be slim at best if I called Gordon instead of you. I can't afford to gamble with my child's life."

Clark could clearly hear the unspoken plea in Bruce's words. _I need a friend tonight. Someone that knows the real situation between us. Please help me find my son before it's too late._

"I can be there in ten minutes. Five if need be. Where are you?" Clark wasted no time changing into his costume.

"I'm about thirty minutes away from the cementary. It's the first place I thought to look."

"Alright. Which car did you take so I can be on the lookout for you?"

Bruce couldn't help the sigh of relief that escaped him. "I took the black Rolls Royce."

Clark hung up without a second thought. He was out the window and flying through the skies of Metropolis, only one thought on his mind. _I won't let you down Bruce._

* * *

><p>He was miserable. He was cold, wet, hungry and tired but he knew he couldn't go to sleep. Common sense told him he should be trying to find shelter instead of sitting out in the rain but a very small part of him believed he needed to be punished for all of his wrong doings. He screwed up big time and now he had to pay the price.<p>

_And to think this all started with a botched mission._ He could feel his eyes watering up but he couldn't find the strength to hold back his tears. His heart was starting to hurt again because the memory kept playing over and over in his mind.

_**"Aw Batsy! I was hoping to see Robbie tonight! You're no fun when he's not around." The Joker whined as he stared up at Batman who was bound and gagged while hanging upside down over a vat of acid.**_

_**"You said the boy would be here, Clown." Two Face grumbled as he gently stroked his signature scarred coin.**_

_**The Joker turned to look at Two Face, smile never leaving his face. "Oh Harv, he'll be here. The Boy Blunder follows this flying rodent with blind obedience. He's like an eager little puppy. It's sad really. Almost painful to watch but how do you think the Big Bad Bat is going to feel when he sees Bird Boy arrive too late to save him!"**_

_**Two Face didn't look convinced in the least. "And what's stopping the Bat from ruining this plan? You and I both know he's always prepared. No way he's just going to let us kill him in front of the kid."**_

_**The Joker started laughing at that point. The laugh soon turned into his infamous cackle. "That's where you're wrong Harv. This time, I've done my homework like a good boy. Anyone with a half brain knows Batsy will do anything to spare Robbie's life. And in this case, I have insurance. As you've noticed, he hasn't moved since our boys grabbed him. That's because the Bat has so much of my secret toxin coursing through his veins, he'll already be dead by the time he hits the acid!"**_

_**Two Face grimaced upon hearing those words. "What's in it? And you'd better not say it's just your "regular and harmless" Joker Venom either." **_

_**Before the Joker could form a response, an armed thug ran into the room, looking for all the world like he had just seen a ghost. "Harvey, he's here! The kid's here!"**_

_**"Get everyone into position and don't screw this up!" Harvey ordered, not bothering to acknowledge the lackey as he turned to face The Joker again. Two Face finally flipped his coin into the air. "Heads or Tails, Clown?" **_

_**The Joker clapped his hands together, giggling just a bit. "Ohhh you're letting me pick! Tails! No wait Heads! Definitely Heads!" **_

_**The coin sailed through the air before finally landing in Harvey's outstretched hand. "Heads, we go with your plan. Tails, we stick to my plan."**_

_**He grabbed the coin and chuckled darkly, "Tails. Looks like I win."**_

_**The Joker rolled his eyes while grumbling, "I'm still dropping Batsy in the vat of acid."**_

_**"Quiet! If the brat's here, I want everything to be perfect." Two Face hissed just as the lights went out. Unbeknownst to any of the occupants in the abandoned warehouse, this would mark the beginning of the end for the Dynamic Duo.**_

* * *

><p>His stomach clenched painfully as his head started to throb dully. "Noooo. Please, don't make me remember." He moaned helplessly.<p>

He could still see Batman falling towards the vat while he shot a zipline out towards his mentor. The zipline wrapped around Batman's ankle while he struggled to pull him back up. The taunting of both Two Face and Joker still ringing in his ears as he fought a desperate battle against gravity. His arms were aching and sweat dripped down his face. Slowly, everyone started to gather and watch the scene unfold. No one bothered to lift a finger until Batman began to slowly come back to the land of the living.

That's when everything went to hell.

They both heard the safeties on all of the guns go off but no one could pinpoint who shot first. The whole room lit up with gunfire right as the Joker threw the dagger that distracted him long enough for him to lose his grip on the zipline. Arms grabbed him from behind and forced him to his knees while someone jabbed a needle in his arm. He tried to struggle against his enemies but it was useless. Everything was over.

There was no point in carrying on now that his mentor was gone. He went slack in their arms as a numb resignation spread throughout his body. He'd finally done what all the villians and crazies in Gotham couldn't do.

He was responsible for the death of Batman.

Burying his head in his knees, he began to sob uncontrollably. No matter what he told himself, it was his fault. _About time you finally faced reality. Six years and all you've done is bring him nothing but grief and heartache. If you're not being kidnapped or held for ransom, you're making him worry by going out with the Team. Then to make matters worse, you run to Clark or Barry for everything when you think Bruce is being unreasonable._

As much as he wanted to vehemently deny these feelings, he couldn't muster up enough courage to fight the accusations. He wanted to say, "It's not true! I don't really feel like that!" but his mind said differently. _Oh really? Then how would you feel if Bruce ended up replacing you with another son? You know what they say. Once the new kid comes to town, the other kid gets left behind. That's how Bruce must feel. Everything else but Bruce is a priority to you. Why else would you constantly introduce yourself as Richard Grayson instead of Richard Grayson-Wayne? The paperwork was finalized two years ago but you still deny him as your father._

"I shouldn't have been there." He whimpered between tears as he hugged his knees. "I should have never disobeyed you. Just this once, I wish I had listened to you."

He was so lost in his grief and despair that he didn't even register hands picking him up or the blankets wrapping around him. All he could focus on was how much he wanted to see Bruce so he could apologize and win his love again. He had no idea Bruce felt the exact same way about him.

**_Author's Notes_**: Apparently, I have a very bad habit of writing sad stories around Christmas time. I hope this Christmas gift agrees with all of you. So how many of you were expecting me to use Commissioner Gordon or have Bruce use the Batwing to find Dick? I know both are horribly overused so I went with Superman. That may have been predictable too but it made more sense to me. We all know anything goes in Gotham. That's what Bruce meant when he told Clark that he needed him more than Commissioner Gordon. Plus I wanted to try my hand at some Bruce/Clark interaction. For the curious minded, that means I'm finally taking the plunge and and trying to write for characters other than Bruce, Dick or Alfred. I am, however, sorry my dear readers for taking such a long time to get this chapter posted. I hope you enjoyed this latest installment! Thanks again for reading!


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